The bassist from Phish was arrested! He took a nine-year-old girl to “a secluded area” and took… pictures of her. As a critical news reader, I would say that last bit is missing at least one crucial adjective, wouldn’t you? The parents have already issued a statement calling the whole thing a misunderstanding… I think this is yet another story missing a chapter. Oh, and bonus points for this chestnut:

Regardless of whether Gordon has to face a judge next month, law-enforcement sources say unofficial justice was already delivered. The Hell’s Angels, who detained Gordon for police, were not, the sources say, gentle with sensitive areas of the rock star’s body.

Did “law enforcement officials” phrase it that way? “Unofficial justice was delivered” to a presumed innocent man by the Hell’s Angels? Because, you know, professional.

As the one person on earth who likes Phish Well Enough, who prefers their studio work, who enjoys some songs without buying either patchouli or a VW van, this whole thing hurts my heart. I expect more from my jam band bassists.