things my boss believes that are not true

“Realm” is pronounced “REE-al’m,” as in “to Al him again.”
“Conundrum” is pronounced “CONun drum,” as in “a con that’s spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards.”
“Segue” is absolutely pronounced “seg-YOO.”
“Nike” rhymes with “like.”
“Valididate” is a word.
“Faggo” is a term of endearment in the workplace as opposed to, say, the name of a self-loathing gay circus clown.
Calling the web site’s home page “the homo page” is inexhaustibly hilarious. “Homo” as a word is inherently funny no matter how often you use it.
If the web site and its ads get just as many visitors as last week, but fewer of those visitors buy things, the employees are using witchcraft or threatening customers’ families, causing them not to buy. Yelling should solve this problem.
People who eat apples in the spring are f***ing idiots. Also stupid: people who eat flatbread “wraps.” It’s rabbit food in a tortilla! Retarded.
“Retarded” is a term of endearment in the workplace.
Anyone who does not subscribe to and read the daily newspaper is an ignoramus, even if they read the paper’s contents online. (Corollary: someone who reads the newspaper on paper every day is not an ignoramus, regardless of how he pronounces any of the words above.)
Casual conversations about the weekend are a good time to call someone an ignoramus. We must not let ignoramous-identifying opportunities pass us by.
I will be working here for much longer.

-- jimski, June 28, 2004, 8:15 pm

Seitentitel: Jimski.com