girlfriend: how’s your new job working out?

me: splendidly! people mostly leave me alone and believe i know what i’m doing. plus, the office is within walking distance of all kinds of stuff.

gf: awesome.

me: yeah. little fast food places, the only subway in north america that doesn’t take credit cards or tell you that until the sandwich is made, a gamestop…

gf: sounds dangerous. no gaming until your first check.

me: yes, mummy. plus, there’s a petsmart over there. I could buy all kinds of stuff at lunch. I could buy a chinchilla.

gf: a whatnow?

me: you know, it’s a big weasel rodent thing.

gf: why? why would you do that? as a toy for the cat?

me: a chinchilla could whip that cat’s ass. a chinchilla could make that cat call him “big poppa” in meows.

gf: yeah, whatever. my cat’s not afraid of no weasel.