This is not a Photoshop. This actually happened.
UPDATE: much, much worse.

After being engaged for 60% of our relationship, the wife and I made it official on the 16th before being whisked away by Southwest Air (”first one on the plane gets to pick which crate of chickens to sit on”) to Disneyworld. For the first month we were engaged, the wife and I had every […]

Fruits and vegetables?? I don’t even know you anymore.
Sesame Street’s Healthy Habits for Life

Unlike the closed captioning system that comes standard with most TVs, DVD closed captioning remains fully functional and legible while your program is on double or quadruple speed. With judicious use of this handy tip, the multitasking viewer can get through a stupid-ass movie in half the time without losing any information.
“We have to inject […]

On the way to work this morning, I had the delight of hearing the following two news stories back to back. I’ve never been prouder of my birthplace.
1:
A bill filed Thursday by Rep. Cynthia Davis, R-O’Fallon, would take away a legal guardian’s right to remove a patient’s feeding tube. The proposal would also let patients […]

…just about every day is April Fool’s Day where I work, but maybe I’ve just gotten acclimated to being tricked. We have a couple of zany pranksters on the staff who are fond of that old form of April Fool’s “joke” that I’ve never understood. Maybe you’re familiar with this hilarious, knee-slapping joke. See, what […]

Don’t be surprised if you one day find me on Other People’s Stories. Perhaps one day you’ll be reading it and think, “Say, this embarrassing anecdote seems like a vaguely fictionalized account of something that happened to me!” Look for the telltale psuedonym “Admiral Snackbar.”