This is the actual, unedited warning from the National Weather Service, a federal agency of the United States government:
ALONG AND NEAR KATRINA’S PATH…EXPECT PARTIAL TO COMPLETE WALL AND ROOF FAILURE. ALL WOOD FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED. CONCRETE BLOCK LOW RISE APARTMENTS WILL SUSTAIN MAJOR DAMAGE…INCLUDING SOME WALL AND ROOF FAILURE.
HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY…A FEW POSSIBLY TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. MANY WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT.
AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD…AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS SUCH AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES. SPORT UTILITY VEHICLES AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED. THE BLOWN DEBRIS WILL CREATE ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS…PETS…AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK.
POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS…AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE DOWN AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED. WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS.
Human sacrifice; dogs and cats, living together; mass hysteria!
When I initially saw this, I thought, “Either the NWS has begun outsourcing to old WWF announcers, or a weather nerd’s job is suddenly as exciting as it has ever been.” Because of my recent exposure to talk radio, however, I eventually realized what the apocalyptic specificity was really all about. This sort of thing is what comes of a culture where everyone is shouting about everything all the time.
The way talking heads used to behave when a major natural disaster was bearing down on them is now the way they behave about Social Security reform. Every event signals the end of democracy and civilization; every opinion is blasphemy; every gust of wind will bring the sky crashing down. Now, when something historically disastrous is actually about to happen, they have to actually send a guy from FEMA to your house to shake you by the shoulders and go “GAAAAAAAH!!!” to get you to think about packing a duffel bag.
It would almost be funny if it weren’t for the fact that this time, in a semi-direct way, the 24-hour news cycle is actually costing people their lives. How many people stayed in the danger zone because they heard about Katrina on Headline News and thought, “Oh, Jesus, every time with these people. Every time it rains. ‘Wolf! Wolf!’” I know when I heard about Katrina over the weekend I said, “Oh, whatever. What do you think it’ll actually be? Category 3 that never makes landfall? Tropical storm?”
On another note, I can’t tell you how happy I am that half the Louisiana National Guard is in the Middle East right now. Not without using sarcasm. Which I famously abhor.