Though I spend a lot of time writing, I also spend a lot of time being frustrated with my inability to articulate what I’m trying to communicate. Whenever that feeling overtakes me, though, I can always count on the writing of others to inspire me. Not in the “if he could write this well, I can write this well” sense, but in the “oh, that’s right, everyone else is terrible” sense.

Below are two writing samples. One is from a child’s book report*; the other is from the Christmas letter written by the governor of Missouri, whose son is named Branch.** See if you can guess which is which:

The Da Vinci Code has one main character and many supporting characters. The main character is Robert Langdon, a Harvard symbologist and professor. He is a tall American with coarse black hair and blue eyes. He is very intellectual and very modest. He is a quick thinker under pressure and doesn’t give up easily. He is careful with his words. The most important supporting character is Sophie Neveu. She is a cryptologist the and granddaughter of Jacques Sauniere, the murder victim. She has blond hair and green eyes and is French. She is very independent and commanding. She is also very very intellectual.

* * * * *

Merry Christmas, and Peace!

Our hearts turn to wonderful and special thoughts when we celebrate Christmas. We think of family, friends, and people in need. Melanie and I know, of course, that this also is true for all Missourians regardless of faith.

“Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace, good will toward men,” are words taken from Scripture that are representative of the holiday. The words are perfect for this season as we celebrate the presence of God and the beginning of a new year.

Like Sophie Neveu, both of the authors are very very intellectual. Only one, however, introduces readers to the controversial idea that non-Christians (or perhaps non-governors) think about family or friends during the holidays too. It also is true for all Missourians. Their hearts turn to wonderful and special thoughts. I run the state, and I can go pee in the potty.

Your State Government: Making the President Look Smart since 2004.

* The best thing about this report (besides its thorough list of character eye colors) is that I found it on a college term paper site for sale. The only thing funnier than the report itself is the image of someone finding it, reading it, and thinking, “Yes! This is a life saver.”

** Though I have a weakness for fantasmalation and inventing things (example: the word “fantasmalation”) I lack the creativity or mean-spiritedness to make up this fact. The governor recently named a human Branch. Why that doesn’t scream “recall election” to anyone else, I can only guess. That’s a sign of serious impairment. You know…? He is only like five feet tall. Maybe he actually is a fourth grader. Hmmm.