Boston Archdiocese Collectively Cuts Off Nose
“Take That, Face!” Says Bishop

BOSTON - The Boston Archdiocese’s Catholic Charities said Friday it would stop providing adoption services because state law requires them to consider gays and lesbians as parents.

The social services arm of the Roman Catholic archdiocese has provided adoption services for the state for about two decades, and said it would discontinue once it completes its contract with the state.

“We hate abortion,” said a spokesman, “but we just hate gays so much more. We like to define our church in terms of things we hate whenever we can.” When asked how unwanted pregnancies should be handled in the future, the spokesman muttered something about “launching them into space, or something.” Several Boston priests have volunteered to let the children move in with them.