Did you ever think you’d live long enough to hear the president of the United States use the word “keeped”?

I didn’t. The first president I was able to vote for was a Rhodes scholar. A filthy, filthy Rhodes scholar.

“Keeped” came during this morning’s press conference. Yesterday there was a different kind of Q&A between the president and Average Folks. During that exchange, a woman stood up and asked:

My question is that author and former Nixon administration official Kevin Phillips, in his latest book, “American Theocracy,” discusses what has been called radical Christianity and its growing involvement into government and politics. He makes the point that members of your administration have reached out to prophetic Christians who see the war in Iraq and the rise of terrorism as signs of the apocalypse. Do you believe this, that the war in Iraq and the rise of terrorism are signs of the apocalypse? And if not, why not?

So that’s on the table. Better yet, the president didn’t say “no.” I mean, I’m sure that’s what he meant, but if there was ever a time not to parse, it’s when answering the question, “Are you ending the world, Mr. President?”

“Well, I’m a practical man, and I haven’t really considered it that way. On September the 11th–”

No, sir! The Reagans are your idols. If they taught us nothing else, they taught us Just Say “No.”

I heard him say, “I never really thought about it that way,” and I almost crashed my car. “Was that a ‘maybe’? Did she just give him an idea? I’m calling in sick.”

Because let’s face it: that is the kind of question you ask just for sake of getting to ask it. What possible answer is he going to give you?

“Is your war a herald of the apocalypse, Mr. President?”

“Oh, absolutely! What do you think we did it for? Homeland Security should be announcing plans for the rollout of their Beast Mark Initiative later this afternoon. I’m coming home, baby Jesus! Come and take me home! Sit down, you idiot.”

The question she almost asked, “Are you, in fact, reaching out to prophetic Christians, and has anyone on your staff mentioned to you that they are crazy?” would have been a good one. If your leader’s chief supporters and advisors like him because they think he’s going to end the world, that’s the kind of thing you want to have out there. Especially if you work for his opponent’s campaign. The ad possibilities are a banquet for the imagination.

Later, a guy asked the president if the war had become so unpopular because so many of the things we were told beforehand turned out not to be true, like “Saddam has WMDs” and “Saddam has ties to al Qaeda.” At this, the president said something I found very interesting: “I was very careful not to say that Saddam Hussein ordered the 9/11 attacks.” That struck me because 1) the guy’s question hadn’t suggested otherwise and 2) why would you have to be careful not to say that? Unless that was exactly what you were trying to convey with everything you were saying, not saying it would be pretty easy. “I was very careful not to say I rode to work on a magical unicorn.” You see what I mean? Care unnecessary.