Riddle me this, music lover: why is it that Sir Mixalot’s “Baby Got Back” is the go-to kitsch camp rap song, heard in everything from broad comedy soundtracks to Target kids-back-to-school ads (look it up!), but I haven’t heard that as-catchy and easily more ridiculous song about Daisy Duke and her pants for fifteen years? Or “Rump Shaker” by Wreckx-N-Effect, which I last heard being sung by a six-year-old girl in a homeless shelter my senior year? (Every so often, when I hear people discussing the decline of our society in the 21st century, I think about that little kid dancing on a chair and shouting, “All I wanna do is zooma zoom zoom and a-boom BOOM!” and shake my head. God, that kid’s gotta be almost twenty by now. And her dance would still be inappropriate.) Where is the magic line separating the stupid song I hear for six weeks and the stupid song I hear for the rest of my life?

This rumination is not directly related to all this recent talk of Crystal Pepsi, although that has gripped me in a kind of madness. I’m giving it serious thought.