The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that the 4th of July was marked by several shootings this year– two which caused human beings with families to suddenly die– and after careful consideration has decided that the best way to report that is this:

St. Louis provided its own type of fireworks on the Fourth of July as city police reported six shootings in a 12-hour period.

That is something special.

Alternate lead: “They weren’t the shots heard ’round the world, but gunfire on area streets had two souls declaring their independence from their bodies yesterday.” But that’s just a suggestion. As long as we’re being classy.