the guy who said he killed Jonbenet Ramsey didn’t kill Jonbenet Ramsey, which makes the fact that he was brought back from Thailand by half the Department of Homeland Security even more reassuring and life affirming. If they send that many DHS agents to get a guy who didn’t even do the thing, actual terrorists must get Chuck Norris shoved up their cornholes or something.

I wouldn’t have anything to say about Jonbenet Ramsey except for this:

KTVI Fox 2 in St. Louis just did a story about the recently announced non-guilt of Creepy Pez Dispenser Head, and most of that story consisted of KTVI Fox 2 interviewing a guy whose link to the story was exactly, entirely this: he went to college in Boulder.

“…and got a degree in criminology, psychology, and/or forensic science?” No.

“…during the year Ramsey was killed?” Didn’t say.

I just wanted this piece of journalism entered into the record.

“In terms of DNA evidence, that’s pretty hard to refute. It’s a pretty exact science,” he said in the report, fleshing out the story in much the same fashion as any idiot in any bar in town would have.

I know what you’re thinking: “You say you saw this on a Fox affiliate? That doesn’t sound like them.”