Wow, John Kerry is inept at making wisecracks. How long has this been going on?

Kerry really needs to get it together and get a campaign manager who can keep him on message; we’re in November, for crying out loud. At this rate, he’s gonna blow any chance he has of getting elected.

What’s that?

He’s not?

Two years ago, you say?

Then what the frig are we–? Never mind. I’ll just change the station. Kelly Clarkson? Kelly Clarkson will be fine; “just walk away”! Apt.

Some guy got mad at Streisand’s little Bush skit again and threw a drink. How much do you think really good, drink-range seats for a Streisand show run you these days? I’m seeing $1300, $3000. You have to be a pretty big Streisand fan to drop that kind of cash; it’s hard to believe anybody would blow three large only to get there and go, “What is this? She’s insulting my president…! My God, Barbra Streisand is some kind of liberal. This is bullshit.”

Yet it’s not like the thrower was some kind of protester who went expressly for this purpose, judging from the plan’s overall lameness. “Okay. Okay. Stay cool. The large Dr. Pepper is purchased. We are ‘go.’ Traitor is almost in range; don’t fire till you see the glint of her sequins; wait for it; this one’s for all the marbles; LAUNCH! The Doctor is aloft! Sic semper tyrannus!”

It’s the irony of our times: the most radical leftist in the music industry has priced herself so that only Republicans can afford to go to her shows. A couple of widely circulated coupons could make all the difference here.