I am absolutely opposed to the death penalty. On its very face, it is appalling and ridiculous: “Killing people is wrong, and any people who kill people will be shown how wrong it is by us killing them”? Absurd! Plus: do they carry out the death penalty by shooting you? By poisoning you? Of course [...]

Hey!
How’s it going?
I’ll be with you in a couple of days. I think the post-holiday doldrums hit me about 10 hours early.
Every year, I try to send out a homemade e-card/faux holiday newsletter to my nearest and dearest. This year, after seeing some of the actual newsletters and cards I got from people, I thought [...]

Guess what: if you suck at bowling, you suck at Wii bowling in the exact same way. Video games are not a refuge for your nerd ass anymore. Better for you to hear it from me than to find out in a rec room full of friends.

“Hi!”
“Seriously, where am I?”
“Anybody? Anybody even looking?”

Just so we’re clear, President Bush feels it’s important that you remember 9/11. So please give that a try.

I’m on yet another conference call right now (and see how hard I’m working?) and something struck me especially funny today as I joined the call. In case God Almighty has blessed you with conference call ignorance, you typically join a conference call by dialing whatever AT&T business number you have been given, and then [...]

Recently, I have begun to participate in a lot more meetings at work. When my wife asks “How was your day?” at dinner each night, I often answer, “I didn’t talk to or encounter anyone outside of e-mail all day,” and this is understood to mean “very good,” so obviously this is a turn for [...]

“Jingle Bells” is not a Christmas song. It is not even a song about bells. It is a sleighing song, which is widely regarded as the only thing dumber than actual sleighing.
I am not trying to deny royalties to the writers of “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” “Frosty the Snowman,” or “Winter Wonderland” (well, maybe “Winter [...]

Dangerous doctor; medically incompetent; scientifically unsound methods.
Why “quack”?
I mean, a lot of animals make a lot of sounds. Few of them health-related.
Did this start out as some weird “doc”/”duck” pun?

Candy lovers are all shook up by the announcement that Hershey’s will release a limited Elvis edition of its Reese’s candy in a peanut butter/banana crème flavor. The release will coincide with the 30th anniversary of the King’s death next August, MediaPost.com reports.
What candy would you most like to celebrate your death? What if you [...]

The Subway sandwich shop near my office opens at 9:00 a.m. Why do you suppose that is?
Of course, given the fact that I work in a huge office park full of people yet I am frequently their only customer at 12:30, maybe I’m the one with a fundamental misunderstanding of their business. Maybe in this part of [...]

Things have been really interesting since I took on these new responsibilities here at work, pushing a boulder up a hill. I’ve been in the kind of mental state that has caused me to write two or three updates to this site, read them back to myself, and archive them where no one else has [...]

Genius or folly?:
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) – NBC is mulling broadcasting Friday night rehearsal sessions of “Saturday Night Live” on the Internet.
It’s just one of the many scenarios the digital future could deliver, according to NBC Universal chief digital officer George Kliavkoff, who openly mused about the possibilities Wednesday at the Digital Entertainment Media & [...]

Far be it from me to suggest I can run a utility, but it seems to me that if 500,000 people lose power every time the city experiences precipitation, you’re probably doing something wrong.