1. Having a lot of other young families around. I had no idea how important this was until it accidetally occurred but it gives the little one kids to play with and mom and dad people to socialize with since most people without kids really don’t want to hang around with parents.

2. Mature trees, sidewalks and nearby shopping districts go a long way toward replacing what lving in the city provides. I find the marginal decrease in options is offset by the peace of mind from statistically better security. The thrill of walking around wondering will or won’t this person mug me became a lot less charming after our daughter was born. If you can walk/bike to free standing businesses (not in a strip mall) and not cross a major intersection to get there, you probably won’t miss the city that much.

3. Then again, I’m a libertarian, so you might want to disregard this post.

The second is my present neighborhood in Astoria, Queens.

The neighborhoods bear no similarity to each by any logistical measure (income, race, background)- but both were (and potentially are- I don’t really know Parkview anymore) of excellent people.

Without neighbors, there is no such thing as a neighborhood.

Things that I look for in a neighborhood- proximity to other houses. Actual sidewalks. A public park nearby that people actually use. A school system nearby that people actually use. Common use forces neighbors into neighborliness. Which is a good thing.

With regard to kid-integration, proximity to the city, etc. I wouldn’t worry so much about your child making her first white friend in college- don’t waste brain cells fighting a war that’s pretty lately been won by the good guys. I wouldn’t worry too much about being near the city as you’re a parent now and that concern will likely move more into the rear view mirror over the next ten years anyway.

Public transportation nearby would be excellent. How nice if you could read illustrated adult literature on the bus on the way to work. Or the metrolink.

To sum up. Neighbors. Sidewalks. Parks. Public Transportation. Move into a community that you can be part of. Rather than an isolated window you can look out of.

I have such an inmate mentality. I grew up in a room I didn’t pick, and then moved into whatever dorm I was assigned to with its furniture bolted into the walls, then into apartments that had whatever appliances/cabinets/square footage they had. It was already settled, there was nothing to be done about it, and I didn’t care. I never thought, “I love this apartment.” I thought, “I love this rent,” or “I can walk to the Esquire.” That was the first thirty years. Now, to approach everything differently!

It has to have another kid’s bedroom and a space I can claim as an office. Gotta have that yard. Can’t be on one of the busiest streets in town again.

We’ve come close in Dogtown, but we haven’t done much southern exploration yet.

I think this exercise is proving to be immensely helpful. I am grateful for the feedback!

There are lots of neighborhoods in StL and the surrounding towns that can fulfill diversity, niceness, walk-to-a-few places, and delivery-people-don’t-laugh criteria. Have you looked at Dogtown? How about the East Tower or Shaw areas, or the Hill?

I think the question is, what are the other criteria that are driving you?

One of the questions I’d ask in addition to diversity is: “Are there orginizations, kids and places that offer Libby the opportunity for fun and education that she can access easily?” I really wish my parents had taken that into consideration before moving my onto a block that had 2 other kids on it.

However, if you choose the quiet solace of Suburbs (which so offer peace and privacy in general) then trips into the Big City can be Adventures with Mom and Dad, until Libby is mature enough to tackle it herself.

There are my two cents- if indeed such musings are worth two cents.

Having spent some time downtown with the Stephensons, visited your current place and lived in St. John, I feel like I’ve experienced most of the issues you’re wrestling with. We were quite pleased in St. John, as it was an integrated neighborhood with a small town feel to it. To me that was the pleasant side of suburban life — nice neighbors to take care of the dog when needed and people would make eye contact and say hello.

When I mowed the lawn I wore a sweater vest, black socks with sandals and carried a bubble pipe in between clenched teeth.

I’m not a St. Louis native so I can’t make a specific geography suggestion that fits all of your needs/wants. I do know that integrated neighborhoods are more common than you think though, and would give you the best of both worlds — a backyard and Dockerless neighbors.